So it’s no wonder that Rishi Sunak reconsidered his earlier decision not to travel to Cop27 when he heard that Boris had already secured an all-expenses-paid – Boris wouldn’t dream of leaving for himself, to go – trip to Egypt. Rish! I just couldn’t take the risk that Johnson would find some way to get him on stage. Some world leaders may be so baffled by the speed with which the UK is bouncing prime ministers that they imagine Johnson is still in charge. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. As it turns out, though, Sunak would probably be better off following his first instincts and staying away. He has already made it clear where his priorities lie and was not particularly interested in the climate crisis. The sooner the Maldives was under water the happier he would be. As for polar bears, why couldn’t they just learn how to swim? So there is no amount of Rish! Sharm El Sheikh’s appearance and love for the environment would fool anyone. The damage was already done. And there was always the risk of making a bad situation worse. It was a scruffy Johnson – looking as if he had just rolled out of bed and his tie, held back only by stains, hanging somewhere near mid-thigh – who was first out of the blocks in the battle of the two PMs with a Q&A session early in the morning. Cop26 in Glasgow was a great success, he insisted. He was the best cop ever. All thanks to him. My. My. My. He just couldn’t understand why all the promises made there hadn’t been kept. The Convict complaining that other people didn’t keep their promises was a collector’s item. Never change, Boris. They never change. Rish! spent much of the day in an existential meltdown. He still struggles to understand the primal desire that had prompted him to come to Egypt. The conflict between needing to be seen and not having anything important to do or say. Then again, Sunak wasn’t completely alone. As the leaders’ speeches progressed, the contradiction at the heart of Cop27 became increasingly apparent. The climate crisis may be the most important issue on the global agenda, but most of the speakers lacked passion and emotion. Like it was all pretty boring and no one really bothered. Or expect a lot to change. Like the whole thing was a travesty. A Potemkin Conference in the Desert. Not that anyone was in a hurry to hear what Rish! he had to say. As he had only accepted his invitation to attend at the last minute, he was not on the list of official speakers and had to squeeze in on a temporary basis. And even then the organizers thought better of it. It was originally set as the 18:00 slot (local time), but no one was so interested in one person that they couldn’t be bothered to pretend to care. To play the game. So they beat him a little less than two hours in the reception of the cemetery. He could always only talk to himself. As an experiment. To see if he could convince himself. He couldn’t. He tried to change his tone to sound like he really meant it. But he really didn’t. He just gave his usual minimal, “something must be done” climate change speech that he always gives. The one to whom he tries to sound like he understands and cares. But it fails on both counts. Except this time he didn’t mention that his daughters were really committed to climate change and he was doing it all for them. So moving. All he did was admit that the Tories had almost bankrupted the UK, so he wouldn’t be able to contribute more than the minimum he had already promised. The applause was barely applause. Few people woke up with a jolt when it was over. To fill the time before giving his keynote, three-minute speech, Rish! he had squeezed in a fireside chat about forests – to add insult to injury, having upheld Liz Truss’s ban on King Charles coming to the conference, she had him record an introductory message – and some bilateral meetings with Emmanuel Macron and Giorgia Meloni. He sounded much more excited about sending migrants back in small punctured boats than he ever had about flooding in Pakistan. A matter of priorities, I guess. Sunak also reluctantly – he had intended to bring only one reporter from a right-wing tabloid with him – gave a brief interview to the BBC. Yes, it was great that Johnson was in Egypt too. So great that they had no intention of meeting there. In fact, she did everything to avoid him. And yes, he found Gavin Williamson’s texts offensive. But he wasn’t going to do anything for them. Heaven no! The fact that he hadn’t fired him had nothing to do with him being so weak that he had promised Gav a cabinet position in exchange for his support. Because that would lack professionalism and responsibility. He hadn’t fired him because he was a sympathetic Conservative. And someone who had already been fired from the cabinet twice clearly deserved another chance. This was the right thing to do. It was also why he had reappointed Suella Braverman as home secretary six days after she was fired. Because Leaky Sue was down on her luck and uncomfortable. Worse than the asylum seekers he had worked with at Manston. If the people arriving in small boats had any dignity, any sense of empathy, they would not be making the journey across the Channel. They would realize the inconvenience they were causing the Home Secretary who had to sign off on the bills to pay for their accommodation and stay put. Will no one think of her? So flustered that she couldn’t even be bothered to turn up to answer an urgent question in the Commons.
